Frame straps – WTF

Seriously who thinks it’s a good idea to strap your spares to your frame with a bit of Velcro? What’s going on with this massive fad……?????

This is the item under scrutiny:

What are people thinking? Let’s look at and list what people are trying to achieve first.

  • Want to carry some spares or tools on my bike.

Well that was a long list.

Let’s examine the first picture above. This dickhead has strapped his inner tube right behind the front wheel. It’s wider than the frame so will act as a mudguard and catch all the shite. First thing I look for when changing inner tubes is one with a good coating of possible puncture causing material on it. If you want the same then this solution is for you. The other benefit of this mounting position is the proximity to the crank arm. You have every possibility of catching it with your foot, loosening it and jettisoning has canisters and tubes of the trail.

Second picture. This one is what looks like a shitty old watch strap just enough to hold one tube. Great. You have one tube and no way of pumping it up. Oh you do have a pump? It’s in your backpack. Wanker.

Number three. This is prize cock territory. You have strapped an inner tube and gas canisters in one of the most dirt vulnerable spaces on the bike. “Yeah but the strap let’s me get to the tube really quickly” yes but then you have to spend five minutes washing the tube off with isotonic drink (squirted with all the power of a 80 year old man with a prostate problem) from the mouthpiece of your camelbak. Where you could have put your tubes. Not only that, saddles and rails are designed to flex, those canisters will wriggle loose in no time. This bundle also takes up just as much room as a saddle Bag. WHY WOULD YOU NOT JUST BUY A SADDLEBAG!!!! Prat.

I really can’t see anywhere that one of these straps is a good idea, or at best better than any type of bike bag. What’s next cellotaping energy gels to your spokes? Spare hydraulic fluid in your handlebars? Spare grips around your seatpost?

Do us all a favour and retire this rubbish to a bin, it’s worse than parcel taping a banana to your forehead. At least that’s close to where it should go……

BC

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